He left his country to work, he came back depressed, his house bored him, now he’s addicted to drugs, his wife is a stranger to him and he doesn’t know how to tell her what’s wrong
There are many reasons that lead a person to get involved in drugs, the problem is that despite having everything leaving the country to look for work turned Jorge’s wife into a stranger to him since upon his return he felt empty, bored even though he loved her.
Jorge’s wife thinks he has a lover when in reality what he leaves home for is drug addiction, something that he has not told his wife and he does not know how to deal with it, he sees his wife as a stranger since his time outside has made him go into depression and thinks she won’t understand.
Jorge tells his story and asks for help to get closer to his wife, the psychologist Juan Tonelli gives him the simple solution, one of them is to speak honestly.
I am Jorge, 35 years old and I live in Mexico. For five years I have been going to work in the United States because things are not very good in the country, but I have left my wife and two children alone all this time. She takes care of everything while I am away, but when I return I am very bored to be at home and I prefer to go with my friends to hang out.
I love my wife but I don’t know how to make her fall in love again, she mistrusts me all the time, she thinks I have another woman and that is the reason I am away from home. The truth is, I’m in drug trouble and I don’t want her to realize it, I don’t want to worry her because I see how she goes out of her way to keep everything in order.
What can I do to let her know that I love her, should I tell her about my problem? I know she won’t understand me, she doesn’t believe in depression or stress, she says that those are just made up words for people who don’t want to work.
Dear Jorge: Thank you very much for sharing your story with us.
Definitely the first step is that you can talk to your wife. In case you don’t know, the origin of the word addiction comes precisely from what happens to you: “not being able to say” (“a” is “no” and “diction” is “say”).
Addictions are never the problem, only the symptom. Your drug use is not the cause but the consequence. What about? Of your pains, of your isolation, of your loneliness.
You’re scared, you’re under pressure, and you can’t even talk to your wife because you say she wouldn’t understand.
How to get out of a problem alone in which one needs help? You don’t get out of drugs with willpower. It comes out with love, understanding, mercy.
Neither you nor anyone else chooses to be addicted, just as no one chooses to be diabetic or have cholesterol. Happens. We cover our pain, our frustrations, our loneliness, with something that relieves the pain immediately, but then generates more pain later.
You have to be able to speak to your wife from the heart. Tell him what is happening to you with the drug. Ask for help. Tell her your fears and your isolation (she must also feel very lonely). Take advantage of this crisis to get closer, meet, be able to show themselves as they are.
If you cannot be who you are in front of your partner, there is something that is not working. Working in the USA will make it easier for you not to have to explain them, but it also makes everything worse. More and more distance, more and more isolated, more and more sick.
Talk to her, show yourself how you are, ask her for help, tell her how much you love her. And seek professional help. People who have gone through these situations can bring you a lot. A hug and encouragement.