The writer Juan Tonelli, responds to one of the stories that was shared on this website of a woman named Verónica, she said that her partner called her by another name in private
Juan Tonelli, not only writes real cases and gives advice to be able to solve the problems that hundreds of people who read to him may be going through . Today he has delighted us with his knowledge and experience and relates a reply letter to Verónica.
As a preamble, Verónica shared a story with us where she tells her first time with her partner that it was not what she expected and that at the end of the experience the boyfriend ends up calling her by another name just at the moment they were in privacy .
In the same way, if you, an acquaintance, family member or friend is going through a similar situation, the advice of the Argentine writer Juan Tonelli will help you to have a better overview and understand the situation from another perspective.
Dear Veronica:
I am very sorry that your first attempt was frustrating . Anyway, I congratulate you because you had the strength not to accept something that you did not like. And it is very valuable because many people in general, and women in such a situation, who, in order to avoid a scandal, end up agreeing to something they do not want. You had the courage to fight for what you wanted, so you can be at peace with yourself.
Still, I want to distinguish two situations.
The fact that you had all those romantic fantasies does not force him to fulfill them … and much less if you did not tell him! To have a good relationship we must understand that the other person is not a fortune teller, magician, or seer, therefore, if we want something … we have to ask for it! Huge misunderstandings are created with the story that the other person must "intuit". Dialogue is the only way. So if they did not fulfill your fantasies but he did not know them, you can not do it, much less get angry. For the next one, you will either make it explicit, or accept what the other has to offer you.
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In relation to her mistaking your name for another woman’s at the least opportune moment, it is a sad and regrettable fact. We will never know what went through his head to make such a mistake, but hey, it’s life, things happen, and we have no choice but to keep walking, trying to let go.
I understand that you are angry with him and with life, but you are going to have to forgive him and life. In a while this will just be a bad memory. And we definitely can’t generalize from a bad experience.
A Zen story tells that there was a cat that, as it was burned when sitting on a stove, never sat down again … The problem was not to sit, but to sit on a stove!
You will already find a person with whom to experience your first time, and enjoy that wonder that is sex. And your fantasies … speak them! Don’t wait for the other to be a fortune teller!
A big hug and encouragement!
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