Infidelity is something that exists, confessing it is a big step, your husband was with someone else and you don’t know what to do because you love him, writer Juan Tonelli responds
The fact that there are common things does not mean that it is acceptable for everyone, what happens when infidelity has a great role, but love also because it is still there and one wonders what can I do?
It is the writer Juan Tonelli who has focused on couple issues who responds to a story that some may feel identified with, your husband confesses an infidelity to you and you want to know more, is it good to do it?
My husband confessed to me that he had a relationship with a friend from his school, he told me that they only had sex once, I love him, I want to forgive him but sometimes the memory torments me, it hurts to think, I don’t know what to do.
Sometimes I would like to go with her, ask her how things happened or to explain to me what made him do it,
It all started one day when he told me that he needed to tell me something, and he confessed that he went out with a friend who spoke to him from time to time, not always, but one day he bumped into her and they decided to visit a place in private and that’s where what he had happened what to happen
They had a "free" relationship before I came into my husband’s life, they did favors from time to time, she is also married but I argued at that time to my husband, that she did not have a good relationship with her husband, also He told him that he would always be there for him because he had a special place in his heart and he would always be his forbidden love.
I love him, I want to forgive him but sometimes it torments me to think about what happened between them and I can’t, he said he was going to change, but he’s still the same, I know he loves me but he doesn’t give more attention or affection.
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This is very common, Juan Tonelli points out , but that does not mean that it does not hurt, but you have to know that it happens very frequently. Infidelity in general, and even more, an encounter with an old lover with whom trust remains, a special relationship. We all have a past.
Anyway, going to the important thing, the fact that your husband has decided to tell you about it is a great opportunity. The macho manual (which I do not share) maintains that these situations must be hidden so as not to harm the other person.
However, I am one of those who think that the more one hides issues from his partner, the poorer the relationship is. I think that if one could talk about everything that happens without fear of being judged, or irritating the other, we would have other levels of intimacy with our loved ones. Imagine what your partner would be like if both of you could tell each other everything that happens to you, especially your most intimate desires -not only sexual- but those things that we don’t dare to tell the other for fear of exposing our vulnerabilities?
Here’s your chance. He was brave and they have an excellent opportunity to deepen the bond.
The challenge is always how much truth we can bear… But the more we bear, the better. Because in the end, things happen the same, whether we can see them or deny them. And we will always be better off in life if we relate to as much truth as possible.
This does not mean that they go into detail about how good of a lover she was, if she did it better than you, etc. That leads nowhere and is irrelevant. The enriching thing is that he can tell you why he had or wants to be with other women. Of course, for him to open up and tell you something like that, he will have to perceive an atmosphere of understanding and openness on your part. If he feels that you will be angry, or that you will not tolerate it, he is unlikely to open up and tell you.
The core of a couple is the desire of both to continue together. To grow in intimacy, instead of isolation. And for that you have to dare to speak and be tolerant to listen. But it may be the best thing that ever happened to them.
Do not get hooked on thoughts that do not lead anywhere, but try to have a thorough dialogue with it, to understand it. It is the best aphrodisiac. be understood and accepted. And obviously this applies to you too. That he can listen to you without judging and accept you.
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